Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Family, Love and Community

Friends, you may have noticed the conspicuous absence of my husband from these pages in the past year, and you may have read in the very excellent recent article by Barbara Blake about my history that my son's father and I are no longer together. I am choosing to acknowledge the end of my marriage here because, as the story of my life in cake unfolds, I cannot totally separate my work from my life (it is something I learned at summer camp)- so much of my inspiration in my work with the Cake Shop is rooted in my home and family that it would be disingenuous not to briefly and respectfully address it here.
My son's father and I separated this past July. We shared a beautiful and successful thirteen-year relationship that culminated in the birth of our son, and we have now chosen to let go of each other and our relationship in order to continue on the divergent paths that we have forged. Obviously, this loss has been deeply, profoundly, and cataclysmically painful, and that has taught me a lot: so many people around us every day are experiencing exactly the same kinds of grief and loss, and we may not know it, and we have to be tender with each other, and the things we think we know we might shouldn't be too sure of. Life can get very surreal when your foundation unravels, but I know that we will all be OK and that many good things are to come.
What is to come for me? I'm getting to know myself. I'm loving my home and my son, and I am kicking ass (along with my totally excellent employees) at the Cake Shop. This summer I am writing a book that involves travelling the South to meet Southern Cake Ladies, my 4-year old in tow (more on that to come). I'm thinking of it as my soul journey. My definitions of community and family have changed. I feel a greater sense of aloneness in some ways, but at the same time, a greater sense of togetherness within myself and with others. I am grateful to my son and to Short Street Cakes for grounding me. My apologies to those friends and family members who might just be hearing the news in this venue, and my thanks to the many friends who have loved and supported me through this process. And my deepest love, respect, and gratitude to my friend Duncan- for the time we shared and the things I have learned.

Footnote: as I was contemplating publishing this post, I browsed into the My Life in Cake history, which I never do, and I found this little interesting gem from a year and a half ago.


Dejahmi by Beth Respess said...

decisions like this are always hard, but when they can made with respect for the past and the future, they can be very healthy and important parts of the journey we all share. sending you lots of love and wishing you and your family peace and joy!

Leslie said...

Yes I am one who also wondered, what happened to the husband? Sometimes we have to make difficult decisions concerning our own lives, for our own peace of mind, our own happiness, and deal with the ramifications of those decisions later. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. You are doing amazing things. For yourself, your child, your community, your life in general! Everything is and will fall into place for you and we are all the better to have had our little part of it!

Julie said...

love to you mama! It's a hard grief to go through for sure, and also good to figure out who we really are as individuals after all that "couple" time. You're doing amazing :)

Chaz said...

oh thank you so much for being an inspiration! & thank you for being so candid and forthcoming about your struggles & accomplishments. For being so gracious. I came home from work tonight & was feeling really, really overwhelmed with a small baby, bills, small incomes... But your blog posts, past & present, invigorated me. & your cupcakes are always a wonderful pick me up :)

Anonymous said...

Hi, this is my first visit to your blog (and website), which I learned about when I read the article in the paper. Which my mom cut out for me, because she knew I'd be a sucker for your story, which I totally was! I love that you make some vegan cakes, use local ingredients, and are so wonderful and inspiring to other small businesses. Keep up the awesome work! Oh, and I love how many exclamation points you use, you're a girl after my own heart :)

Looking forward to becoming a regular reader, and when I'm nearby, eating some of your product!

Kissy Lovestuff said...

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.

So throw off the bowlines.

Sail away from the safe harbor.

Catch the trade winds in your sails.




– Mark Twain